Dating seemed so quaint in the past didn't it?
The young man drives over to your parents house in his first car. He's dressed nice. He has flowers. He knocks politely.
Meanwhile, you've been getting ready for hours! Putting on your best dress, your finest makeup, hair done just so. You bask in your mothers concern, and hope you survive your fathers stern gaze.
You answer the door! Your young man introduces himself to your father and they shake hands. Stern words are politely conveyed about curfew.
The date proceeds with the usual of the day. Dinner and polite small talk. A movie! And what's not to like about being in the dark with a date?!!?!
At best you hold hands, or maybe kiss if this is past the first date or two.
Ah! Blissful innocence.....
......................................................................................................
Keep in mind that nearly every stage of the above is in actuality servile, juvenile, mean, and designed to reinforce gender roles......roles that no longer really exist. Roles that treated men like department managers, and women as property. It's rather insulting if you think about it.
A man in the past *couldn't* gain access to a female without working hard to prove himself financially. Think it was weird a century ago when it was normal for men to out-age their wives by a decade or more? It was REQUIRED. A man had to establish himself to be "worthy", as well as capable. Women working was, up until recently a HUGE taboo. In the past, women were escorted by men...not because men were nice...but because only maids, the poor, and prostitutes walked alone. You were escorted to broadcast that...well at least you're not a hooker....
Women *had* to put on their best face and be as pretty as possible. Wait too long to get married and you were an old maid.....in your EARLY 20's!!!!!!! Meanwhile noone really gave too much of a shit if your husband was old, so long as he had cash.
Men and women today, especially in my generation, are playing by these old rules still, and it's utterly fucking stupid.
I recall my Great Aunt Marylee's idyllic life. She married a mechanical engineering professor, and boy did he do well!! He got a WHOLE FRIGGIN MOUNTAIN as his wedding dowry, because his inlaws were wealthy in the textile business! He retired young, and he and she lived out their days doing equestrian training and selling land and timber off of their little mountain, while they lived in a tiny stone cottage near the top.
She was also 13 years old. She was tutored to read and write, and how to be a housewife. She did not attend school. She had her eighth child before she was 22. Her husband was 18 years older than her.
Was her life idyllic? Or was it an intervention from child protective services waiting to happen??
DO WE REALLY WANT TO KEEP THINKING THIS SHIT WORKS?
A lifestyle not too far removed from today, was considered perfectly normal...and today it is considered a horrible crime. And yet many of the rules remain, to the detriment of us all.
I've tried really hard to wrap my mind around how nostalgia and social customs seem to distort things. Is it any wonder that men and women have so many failed relationships today? And especially if they look back fondly on the past? That past was actually a nightmare!!
I approach dating in a rather passive way, but I'm a passive (if outspoken) person by nature. I try to make it abundantly clear when I like someone, but I don't push boundaries and I require permission to pursue things like intimacy. Not because I'm shy (I am anything but shy), but rather because I hope to find an adult on the other end of this interest that really understands what the pivotal (though not only reason) to want a relationship actually is.
Relationships are an attempt to find someone to reliably have sex with. Someone to bone! Bump uglies with. Do the horizontal mambo with. FUCK.
Period! :P
That doesn't mean that common interests, common worldview, friendship, or shared values are not also vital....because they most definitely are. But those things are generally requirements in ALL of our friendships and relationships with others on some level. None of those people, however, are ever going to fuck you, nor should they most likely.
I'm a heterosexual, though I think this line of thinking applies regardless of which gonads your fond of.
I actually think non heteronormative relationships seem to have figured this shit out better than many of us "normal" people (I use that term sarcastically). Gay people have at least embraced wholeheartedly and unashamedly that their need for sexual expression is pivotal and vital to their happiness. DUH!
I also think the young in this generation do this better than us more "mature" individuals (hint: maturity is a bullshit story we tell ourselves). Not because they make better choices, per-se. Rather, it's because they have the frivolity of youth to realize that LIVING is kind of a cool thing to do. Risk is a natural part of life, and it's the mature that have that joy beat out of them.
Women? Are you tired of "Netflix and chill"? THEN DONT PUT UP WITH IT. Just don't consider it strange that a guy who likes you wants to sleep with you (hint: that is part of liking you). And don't make the poor guy perform like a circus act with a built in ATM, just to be granted access to your vagina. It's insulting, and your vagina isn't that special. Half the population of the earth has one. He'll move on.
Men? Are you tired of being treated like a portable bank account, wrestling with overly and deliberately vague deflections of your advances that make you feel like you're being strung along by a girls dubious uncertainty? THEN DONT PUT UP WITH IT. Just don't consider any woman owes you anything. Vagina's may be aplenty, but they are NOT YOURS. They belong to someone you actually might like, so try some human decency, respect, and permission. Retain your self worth and pride. And stop with the dick pics already. She knows you have one. :P They are no rarer than the vajayjay! :P
Just have the courage to face who is in front of you. Take chances. Have fun. Live your life! And have as much sex as you want to have. Toss in contraception (American's are REALLY FUCKING STUPID ABOUT THIS...it makes sex as dangerous as inflating a tire), and just enjoy yourself.
You won't find Mr./Mrs. Right in your first relationship. Maybe not your 20th. You have to be willing to ride that rollercoaster as much and as long as you can till you find what you really want and deserve. Romance novels, old TV shows, sitcoms, romcoms.....these are works of fiction. They use storytelling devices. They are not life guides or textbooks.
Go get laid for cryin out loud. It feels nice! :)
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